Thursday, 15 August 2013

Bitch or well meaning idiot

I'm kind of a Bitch. (notice how I capitalized that one...)

I don't realize it right away, until I see the look of slight horror that comes across my victims faces.
For those who have had the pleasure of meeting me (haha) I giggle A LOT and I hug A LOT and I drink A L... well socially. :) But then every once in a while, I just say what comes to my mind... and by that, I mean every time I speak with humans. My sisters and cousins all grew up with me, and they always laugh and tell me how funny it is. But those who didn't grow up with me, and never knew I was ever a shy kid who hid in her room during her OWN birthday parties... would just think I was an ass.

I can pin point the few times growing up, that got the bitch ball rolling.

1. When I was around 13. My little cousin had her first co-ed birthday party. My sole mission that day was to tell the little pricks, that I'll be watching them. Cause NOBODY messes with my little cousin. I remember at one point, one of the little pricks, said something to me, and well i sat on his head for the rest of the party.( not the good kind, come one I was just a punk kid!). I felt the power. I felt that he was scared of me (and possibly scared to talk to my cousin ever again...) and I wanted more.

2. When I was in my early 20's, I dated this guy who was so cute, I actually had NO comebacks. I only required said comebacks, because my baby sister would follow me around calling me names all the time. So the two of them would laugh at me, and I would be like "whatever, i'm to grown for this crap" then we'd go back to making out (me and the hot guy, not my sister... ) But after he'd go home, I sit there thinking about how embarrassing that was, and came up with all the good comebacks that betrayed me earlier.

Now that i'm 30, I really don't care who I offend. I probably SHOULD, but I don't. I've caused a few problems though. Like, fighting with my Aunt once, because she just assumed I was driving her home. I was going to, but by the time I decided that, she'd already stormed away. But in my defense, she didn't even ASK. she just started putting her shopping bags into my trunk...
My sister was talking with her daughter's grandmother and she had asked how her sister was doing. She said "which sister?" g-ma answered "the one who likes me". ... Yeah, not me, the other one. And that's fine I don't care, but I didn't realize how transparent I was. THEN Fox and I were talking the other day, and he said I should be more aware of the vibes I put off towards others. He said "you can be intimidating and come across as a bitch sometimes". I felt a little bad. Not bad enough to ... apologize to anyone. But bad enough to question the friends he keeps. Man are they ever a punch of pansies! (HAHAHA Kidding! you guys are all awesome. Except Dwight. I can't STAND that guy...)
Yesterday, I was eating lunch, and my co-worker came in and said she had homemade rhubarb jam in the fridge if I was interested. What I SHOULD have said was "ok, cool! sounds good!" What I REALLY said was "oh, ummm, I don't like Jam, sorry. I like fruit, but not cooked fruit or mashed fruit of any kind ...But look at you all martha homemade-y!" and she gave me the look of a punch in the gut mixed with "i'll never speak to you again".. It got me thinking. Why is everyone so damn sensitive!? Also, why couldn't I just shut up?

I could tell stories for DAYs about the stupid shit I've said to people. But i'll save that for another time. (once I collect a good amount of stories ovbs). I could say that i'm posting this, so that I can make a change in my life. But I know that's not going to happen. Watch, i'll start swallowing my pride, keeping in my opinions, and next thing you know i'm just sitting all quiet, when the people I love are ruining their lives, or buying the wrong dress for their figure, or some jerk is rude to a cashier. Then what? all the things that should be said are not, and then jerks are out there thinking it's cool to throw stuff at restaurant staff, or i'm forced to choke down homemade mushed fruit! I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT! but I will leave you with this (always wanted to say that)

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. Which is actually a double negative, so I take that to mean, say whatever you like, just giggle when you're done!

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