Let me tell you a story - Halloween Edition sort of

In the spirit of Halloween, I will share with you something  very personal about me...
I AM SCARED OF EVERYTHING.
There. I said it.
I am scared of movies with ghosts, chainsaws, talking toys (even Toy Story has its moments...) (That doll head on metal spider legs. ... WHAT THE HELL!?)


Growing up, i was always the one hiding in the bathroom. I cried whenever my sister and her friends talked about the scary movies they've seen. I remember once, sitting in my aunt and uncles kitchen when my sister and cousin watched  "Village of the Damned". I literally HID for and hour and a half, with my hands over my ears. Same goes for Pet Cemetery... YIKES. I have not seen it, but I've HEARD it.
AND OMG i just googled "Children of the Corn " (I've always confused both movie titles, probably because I've never seen either...) I HAVE GOOSEBUMPS YOU GUYS!! Stephen King, you are one sick freak.


Ok, so... i'm done thinking about scary things... um...(yes, i did totally just freak myself out...)
let's talk about fun things!

My sister threw a kids Halloween party on Saturday. It was cute, and good fun.
Here, look!

Picture Day

Last weekend was my nephew Lubby's (or Lub Lub, however you prefer lol) 4th birthday. He's such an amazing guy. With a capitol ZING! Like I love everything about this boy. From his ginormous eyelashes, to his smile, all the way down to his elephant obsession. (i'm sure that by now, us adults are just perpetuating this, but I don't care!) I go out of my way to look for things with elephants on them, just so I can think of him and smile. Even if I never get to show him, just knowing that he would have loved to see it, makes me happy.
Also, i'm not sure I've ever mentioned my only niece... LOL This kid is something special. I love her and love her energy (sometimes... sometimes the kid is just nuts :) ) So from now on, since Diva was already taken i'll call her..... Queen. :)

Here are some awesome pics of last weekend!

The girls were hiding from me under the table.. then decided to kiss. lol

Chinny snuggling some booboos lol 

Lub and our Queen

The Queen was SO happy for him. She acted like a proud mother

Poor newest baby. they put icing on your nose! 

Chinny Chin Chin

Happy 4th Birthday my LubLub

Only missing the newest baby

Newest Baby! (yup that'll be his name. until he gets a personality! ha)

Big Things

I got a new job. It's not a BIG job, nor is it a step up in the food chain.(it's also, only a 6 month job. With potential to stay). It's just another administrative assistant job at another office, working for my bosses boss. But it's a HUGE deal in my little world!!
I'm so effing scared you guys! lol
Not only is it super far from my house (what was I thinking!!!???), it's also a pretty grown up ... place. LOL oh.. yeah totally gonna fit in there.. My new boss, upon telling me I got the job, said that I can't wear jeans anymore. I died a little. lol Nothing I own is workplace appropriate anymore, and the clothes that are... are way too small.. So I need to hit up the thrift shop! (not kidding. I can't just GO SHOPPING FOR MYSELF right before Christmas... )
So now i'm freaking the freak out. (I also have a bunch of issues going on with my current job, and I wish I could just take my old job to my new job..)
On the plus side, there are people at my new office, that ACTUALLY like me! ha and who i'm so excited to work with. They have been my cheerleaders for a while now, and I can't wait. I will however miss my old office. I've been here for 6 (almost 7) years (HOLY CRAP REALLY?), So i have a lot of things and years to let go of. THIS IS HARD!!!

Ok, I can't keep dwelling, plus I only have a week left to pack up my old job into a nice little ready to open package....
So have a good day ! ( i know I won't)

take a deeeeeeep breath

Yesterday, Diva choked on a grape.

Like really choked. 

I was standing right beside her, looking at a magazine, and my mother was on the other side, getting dinner ready. All of a sudden, I hear my name (which was probably the 3rd time she'd said it) and she yelled CHANTALE SHE'S CHOKING. I heard Diva make a gurgling sound. I knelt down ready to give her the Heimlich (really!) when i saw a grape pop out of her mouth. My mother said that my baby's eyes went REALLY wide and she coughed it up right as I got to her. To say that it scared the shit out of me, is an understatement.
 I had to leave right after that to get juice at the store for the kids, and my hands were shaking all the way there and back, until I sat on the couch to hold her again. Diva said she was so scared. I sat and held her while she cried (before I left) and kept saying "it's ok now, mommy's here. you're ok.Take a deep breath" She finally calmed down. But I was a wreck. All of the what if's were going through my head. What if my mom didn't see her? What if I did the Heimlich wrong? What if this happened when she was in a different room? What if I couldn't get it out? I know she's ok. But that doesn't change the fact that something bad almost happened to her RIGHT beside me. I haven't cut her grapes in half for over a year now. But I will start again. 

I hate to say that I tend to zone out sometimes, but I do (as i'm sure most people do) and it worries me that I'm not attentive enough (how much is enough?). Do my kids feel like i'm here for them? I'm sure they do, but I'm sure there are things I should do more of or do less of. LIKE playing on my stupid phone. I really need to stop. Eating with the kids. I usually let them eat, while I finish cleaning or folding laundry. From now on my paranoid little heart, i'll be eating with them. I can't imagine the thought of that happening again...

And breathe. 

Happy Sad

It's not that I forgot to write anything.
It's that I have nothing to write about.
It's that I have SO MUCH to write about that my brain hurts.
I am going through my usual down spiral. It happens every fall.

How can Fall be my favourite season? I LOVE it so much, it brings me to tears (really) The first few days, I smile all the time, I step on crunchy leaves and drink pumpkin-y hot beverages and wear boots and smile. Then after a few weeks, I remember how fleeting the fall is. I start to cry at the leaves on the ground. They won't be here much longer. I feel the sadness that is the bitter cold, when I forget to wear a sweater (also I CAN'T wear one under my coat, I've gotten to fat for it ... I need a new effing coat). I think about the holidays that are just around the corner, and instead of being excited, now I start to panic. I don't have  enough money, I don't know what to get, I don't know what to do about Diva's birthday (which is December 24th... ) I start to feel overwhelmed. Then the thoughts about Christmas brings me to tears. I think about my childhood and all the things we did. And the people we celebrated with. I grew up with my cousin "squishy" (you know i'm talking about you ! ) and her parents. We were SO CLOSE. We'd spend most of our lives with them. And now, our parents are not talking anymore. None of us understand why. But the idea of spending ANOTHER holiday season without them, breaks my heart.

The Fall is my season of reflection. There is less clutter, less leaves on the trees, I can see the sky better. I can talk to the sky better. I reflect on my life and where I am. Sometimes I am happy with it, surprised that I have all that I have. Then other times, I feel sad. Sad for the life I never perused. Sad for the friends I've pushed away. Sad that my kids don't know why mommy is always sad.

One thing I love about Fall. Is the fact that it's colder. I love the feeling of knitted scarves and soft sweaters and slippers. AND of course pumpkin-y hot beverages ...

Dancing with Daddy

When I was a kid, my dad would turn on the old turntable (a record player, for you youngins), place a record on top, line up the needle and let it drop. And he'd "sing" along with George Thorogood, BB King, Aerosmith, The Jeff Healey Band and ZZ Top (to name a few). We were such brats (just like mine are now) and we'd never EVER let Daddy be alone to jam in the basement. So as soon as the music was cranked up, we'd run downstairs and dance around and sing along with him. My favourite part was when he'd take one of us by the hands and start dancing. He'd spin us around and sing and be silly and it was wonderful. 
My dad is a biker (Harley's) for life (even when he's too old, he'll still be "Papa with the motorbike"). He'd wear old holy (and super soft and worn in) t-shirts with skeleton's driving Harley's, Jeans that we were surprised even kept him safe (or at least covered) from the elements. The basement was always a haze of smoke (until I mom banned smoking from the house, but i'm talking about when we were YOUNG), the music LOUD and Daddy jumping around like a kid. (Come to think of it, the memory i'm thinking of.. he was only 30!!! ) 
I wish so badly that my mom was quick with the camera. I don't have ANY pics of those awesome dance parties. 

BUT I am quick with the camera... and I got THIS:

My Princess dressed herself 

Picture Day

Friday is picture day!

Please. To Enjoy

I love the clocks here! Oh and Nana

Diva HAS to have the same pic

I like this pic of her

"patiently" waiting to get into the play place at IKEA

Old table (dangerous death trap) 3/4 chairs working 2/3 chairs don't have a booster seat

NEW table! low, safe, roomy! 

Putting candy into a bag from a pinata! 

Eating candy in the park :0

My drive to work is getting darker... 

Not a bad view, I love the colors here

It's fall in Canada... BRING ON THE FURRY TOQUES!