Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Monday on a Wednesday

So sometimes your day will start off like crap. Oh how I miss those days, when my day was crap because i'm an idiot. NOW my days are crap because my kids are too young, too suborn and too tired (also i'm still very much an idiot)

This is what I sent to my BFF this morning upon getting to work:

Couldn't sleep last night
House was a MESS this morning, trying to get ready, with piles of clothes everywhere, and toys, and had to do dishes, because the kids needed milk, and there were no cups, they were under the dirty pots.
Diva decided to not get dressed, and started screaming. Then the screaming continued all the way to the car.
I got frustrated (understatement) And yelled at the kids to get into the car, then their seats, then seat-belts  then FOR THE LOVE OF ELMO KEEP YOUR BOOTS ON! . I SLAMMED my trunk really hard...
Got kids to moms, after 25 mins of driving with screaming Diva in the car.
Rain rain rain. Kids walking slow in the rain. (I sound like Dr Seuss)
Got back on highway, no time for coffee or breakfast.
Traffic traffic traffic
meeting at 8:15... got to office at 8:15, discovered TRUNK IS BROKEN. It popped up for no reason while driving. :(
think i might have fixed it... will see later.

So.... I will need all the coffee today
Also all the wine tonight

Thursday, 23 May 2013

advice from my best friend

So i got to work this morning, and I was already grumpy. NOT saying what got on my nerves... (no work gossip here buddy!) BUT she just sent me the best advice :

Drink coffee. Take a breath. And face the rest of the day. Unfortunately there are dumb ass-holes all around us… LOL

isn't she the BEST???


Current Weather

Thursday, May 23, 2013, 9:45 AM
Light rain
Light rain
Feels like 7
P.O.P: 100%
Rain: Close to 10 mm
Snow: -
Wind 20km/h
Wind gust 34km/h
Humidity 82%
Hourly Forecast

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

use your words

I used to swear. Not excessively, but enough to get my point across.  :)

Then I had the little turds. I'm kidding I never call them turds! hahah ... ahem. (although while I was pregnant, they were both lovingly called my little parasites). And suddenly i'm way more aware of what I say (not as aware as I should be.. my 2 year old says crap) and how I say it (again... not really). I've noticed lately, how much I sound like my mother. WHICH IS REALLY SCARY YOU GUYS!!!! Growing up, my mother would NEVER let us say basically anything that would sound un-ladylike. EVER. She made us replace the word Fart, with toot, or fluff (that gives such a nice visual eh??) She'd never say any of the big swears, so she replaced them as follows :
shit = poopstink. (as in, OH POOPSTINK, i forgot to pick up milk), also FUDGE
fuck = poopstink, also Shoot!
bitch = uncouth, or unladylike.
fart = fluff, toot, bucket
Shut the hell up = Shut your eyeballs

I on the other hand, usually say Frick for everything. But my new favorite is Fenugle (pronounced FEN-ooogle). I use it almost daily. Here, i'll use it in a sentence; I don't care! you're such a fenugle! OR take it up a notch "i don't give a flying fenugle!"

My father tried to watch what he said... my ultimate favorite is and always will be *while driving behind someone who just cut him off*  You FUCKING dough-head!!!!

What are some words you use instead of swearing??

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Somewhere over the rainbow

First off, I have to say that I'm praying for EVERYONE affected by the tornado's this week. My heart breaks more and more, every time I read about it. Or even think about it. I sure hope God has a good reason for dropping a tornado on top of two elementary schools... ( i know it doesn't REALLY work that way, but come on, we have to blame someone right?)

In Calgary, we do not see tornado's. We just don't. Like EVER . There have been reportings of some touching down mere Kilometers (there's 0.621371192237 miles in one KM) from Calgary, but as long as I've lived, there have never been any IN our city.(Ok so that's not true, the google says there was one small one confirmed in 2011. It was small and didn't do much. Plus it was on the complete opposite end of town from me, so... it doesn't count) Some say it's because the mountains are so close, some say God's at work here (lucky us... ) (and I only say that because we are most definitely not the chosen city. God is also down in Oklahoma right now, lending a hand)  and others are just sitting in bunkers with metal hats waiting for one to drop a house on them. (i.e... me)

I've had a SEVERE fear of wind/clouds/tornado's as since I was a kid. I mean I'd skip school in elementary just to avoid being outside if there might be wind that day. I used to tell my parents my stomach hurt and cry and fake throw up, just to avoid all things "fun" an outdoorsy. I've been through counselors as a kid, and they didn't help at all. AT ALL. they told my parents to buy wind chimes... (hey there past-tense mom and dad, wind chimes ALERT me to the wind outside, not make it pleasant. I've had MANY nightmares with wind chimes in them ever since). 

  So now we have a tragedy like the one in Oklahoma yesterday. ALL of my fears are brought back, and now some fun new ones. I have kids. Kids who I cheerfully say "ooh look how windy! so fun eh?" to, all the time. Kids who will be going to school one day. Kids who I hope and pray will be safe at school. School used to feel safe for me (i used to hide in the bathrooms during storms back then). I just hope my kids feel safe at school too.

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

mirrors always seem to mess me up

I love to sing. ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to BE Whitney Houston (not be like her... BE her). I would sing for my teachers in elementary school, hoping i'd get my big break (little did I know, those elementary school teachers in the prairies of Alberta had NO connections to the Hollywood whatsoever). Then as I got older,and technology got better, I went from taping myself with my cassette deck by pressing record and play at the same time, then singing into my little plastic Sony microphone and sing my heart out, to singing into the teeny tiny mic attached to our computer, to now, singing into my Iphone. But one thing I did that made me feel SUPER AWESOME, something i'm sure, SURE that most if not all 90's kids did... wrote out all the lyrics to the songs I loved/wanted to impress people by knowing. I will NEVER forget being at my friends 9th (or 10th) birthday party, (it was her 10th... lol I just googled and did the math. 1993! anyway... off topic) and my sister and I rapped to Salt N Pepas "Shoop" It was awesome!! and we did it all from pausing the tape every few words or so, and writing them down. Kids these day got it so easy, with the google and all, but I remembered the words way better after hearing them individually, and writing them down. It was so exciting!!
Here are some of the songs I've butchered past and present, all because of NOT hearing the words right:

Whitney Houston "Run to you":
.... dooooon't make me CLOSE one more door... I don't wanna hurt anymooooore..." We always sang it 'don't make me oooh wanama do!..." haha

 JT "Mirrors":
no matter HOW HARD I TRY, i can't get the words "I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me "... I ALWAYS (by accident I swear) sing "With anyone else INSIDE of me" WOOPS.

My baby sister used to mess up EVERY SINGLE SONG ever. including this one: 
"Beauty and the Beast"  her words? "tales.. and olden times... hoody troody be! Barely even friends! Lost along the way... Beauty and the Beast..." 

And finally,my other sister (not the one who messed up beauty and the beast...) just reminded me of a great one!
 Michael Jackson "Man in the Mirror" :
"No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer. If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place,Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make A Change"

Preeeetty sure we used to sing it like ... "no mehahas gutta be any clearer.. mmehna mehna mmmmm betta make that change" 

 Mike would have been so proud...

Monday, 13 May 2013

M is for mom and milk and moooooooooo

No that title has nothing really to do with this post. I just couldn't think of any other M words.. at all! (ok, Monday...) (oooh and Milk of Magnesia) (and Mongolia)
ummm quick read this:
Here are some of the ridiculous things that have come out of my two girls mouths lately:

"Happy bedtime day!" (= happy mothers day... )
"The lady bug is not going to bite daddys mouth" (we were in the car... no bugs and no daddy...)
" i'm purdy mommy!" (yes you are punk)
" I don't want cold milk, I want soft milk. No not hot milk, SOFT MILK." (we heated it up, because that's how we always give it to her. Apparently soft means warm... )
"I so mesited mommy! To see Uncle Chelle and Machine!" (Uncle Chelle= @whoismich, Machine = my cousin Meeghan)

 "Where are my ideas!?" (Took 10 minutes to realize Ideas = Adidas)
"FIND!" (as in fine... i'll go put my toys away. Even after correcting her every day, she still replaces the word fine, with find)

Diva doesn't really have any fun things coming out of her mouth these days, she's just so damn miserable!!!!! I need supernanny!!!!!!

Mothers day was pretty good in my house, I got to sleep in (yay!!), breakfast in bed (yummy yay!) flowers and a gift card for a mani pedi, then at my moms house I got a handmade necklace (from mom) and a beautiful painting from each daughter. Looks like puke and gold spray paint :) Le Sigh, the years of SUPER awesome art begins... LOL I hope next year I get macaroni necklesses... i'll actually wear them all day too.

Friday, 10 May 2013

well? do they?

Does anyone have their shit together at age 30?
I don't think so, but for some reason, there's a lot of pressure out there to get said shit together. When I say that, i mean, have the right job, the spouse, the kids, the car, and money in the bank RIGHT NOW.

 I was talking to one of my best girlfriends today, and she was having a panic attack over turning 30 this weekend. She has a good job, but needs to change career paths due to medical conditions. she was living with a long term boyfriend, but when they split up, she was forced to move back home with her parents. So now she feels sad and stuck. I get it. Life sucks sometimes. I think she's in a prime life situation right now. She is older and can make way better decisions than what we did in our early 20's, she is selectively dating, which (to me) means that she is more aware of what she will and will not tolerate from men.
 I remember being single in my early 20's and i was just a blind little bat. She is jumping in with both eyes open. But I feel her panic a little. I see and hear everywhere , that once you turn 30, things just magically work out for you, and if they don't, then oh no you must have been on the wrong path!!

 So it got me thinking of all the ladies I know, who've just turned 30. NONE of them have it together (well no, two of them are doing quite well and on their way to greatness. they can kiss my gritts...I mean that with love.) I have one friend who is doing well in the relationship department, but hates her job. I have a friend who is married, but just lost a job and home. I know someone who was married and is now moving out of their home, with their 5 year old daughter. One friend is in love, has a great job, but lives in a city she hates. PLUS she can't seem to get him to commit (WHY WON'T YOU COMMIT TO HER ALREADY PANDRE!?)

So, what does that tell you? To me, it means that we are still babies, and shouldn't let life pressure us in anyway to be ready for the future. As for me, I have two kids, a home, a man, and a job i love. BUT i'm broke as a joke (with no end to that in sight) and also not heading down the aisle anytime soon (which I do want. To me, it's important).

So I ask again, does anyone have their shit together at the age of 30???????

Thursday, 9 May 2013

Just a normal day

So we all knew the inevitable mothers day post was coming sooner or later...GAH. First let me start by saying mothers day sucks. Yeah I said it. SUCKS. why? Because it's never as fun or relaxing or ... happy as you'd want it to be. The kids are still kids, they don't give a crap. They'll fight and throw food and tantrum all over your tatum. Also, the men... in my experience don't get it. My dad would buy my mother flowers when i was a kid. that's it. My boyfriend (STILL just a boyfriend) would go get me flowers AND his mother flowers, and then take her out to dinner... um....
OK, i love my kids. TO THE DEATH (whose death? i'm not sure yet). But sometimes... SOMETIMES.... i just want to lock myself in the bathroom and eat chocolate cake and pretend i'm going poo for an hour. Sometimes I just want everyone to say please and thank you and EAT ALL THE FOOD! Lately, Nana has started to say her "good-nights" like this : "Good night mama, i yuv you....sssoooory"
Why? because every single day, she has something to say sorry about, even if she doesn't remember what she did. I ask her "why do you say sorry?" and she mumbles something about not listening, or biting her sister...
All that to say, here are the things I REALLY want for mothers day:
1. Chocolate cake. all to myself.
2. A bath. ALL TO MYSELF
3. To not have to cook or clean, or have to clean up Sundays mess on Monday..
4. Maybe something shiny...
5. NOT flowers
6. A professional massage. I've been needing one for two years now...

And going forward after mothers day:  for everyone to tell me dinner was great, and then freaking eat it! (woah sorry...)

Also, a nice cuddle, by all individuals (individually! don't want to feel overwhelmed on my "day off") would be nice.

The End

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Emails with Le best friend

Random thought of the day:

I bet if I took up the (disgusting) habit of smoking I would be SO SKINNY. Like my mom was when she was young. I like the action of eating. I love eating too but I love like snacking and chewing and biting things you know?? Gum doesn't cut it. but maybe I should step up my gum game though. I just like snacking. if I could break that I could burn so much fat away…


I have a problem of Bored eating. NOT emotional eating, usually I just shut down and sleep.

I have a problem of bored eating AND emotional eating. “im bored… lets eat this whole bag of chips… the crunch will satisfy me for a good hour…”. “wahhhh I had a bad day at work and all I want is a cheeseburger and to find the answer to my problems at the bottom of an ice cream bowl”. 

True.. I've done that
Mine's more like “gah, my hands are empty! Oooh chips!” “waaah i’m fat... oooh cookies”


The good and bad thing is that most of the time it doesn't matter what I’m eating as long as I’m eating something. So right now I have carrots and celery and its working. But when they run out I could easily turn to M&M’s or the like… ugh!

Mmmm carrots and m&ms........

Mmm and the like…

BWAHAHAHAA i laughed out loud at that one...
Mmmmm and the like...
And such...

HAahaha I choked on my carrot on that one!

Dude like serrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriously though. I just need to get deserted on an island for like 3 months. Survive on pineapples and fish. I’d climb mountains and run daily. I’d be so tanned and so skinny. It would be amazing. I would be in the news. And then people would make a movie about my story. sort of like castaway but better because I wouldn't talk to a volleyball.


We are so amazing. We should have a TV show.

Or blogs…. Hahahahahaha

 i just spit out my muffin.


What a good day of emails.

Yay us.

Pat on the back.

Gold star.


High five.


And also shark-cat on a roomba.
 Just cause 

 … just because.
  Check your phone.

Not gonna lie, was a bit disappointed it wasn't shark-cat

Awww sorry. Don’t have shark-cat on my phone.


Don’t be all judgy-afro on me….

Monday, 6 May 2013


I need some pictures of me with my kids. The only times I have me in the picture with them, is if my mother does the giant pic of the whole family at Christmas, or the professional pics we took last summer. I wish I had some candid ones, where I can look back and say "wasn't I a dish?" when i'm 80. I want pics of me and my girls, that make my heart melt and smile. I hate those posed pictures that are fake and the only reason my kids are smiling is because I just yelled out "FINE WE WILL GO GET ICE CREAM, SO SHUT UP AND SMILE!" Or, i'm digging my fingers into their thighs to make them laugh. It's not real people!!! my kids are not that happy!
I wish my boyfriend (yup, still just a boyfriend...) was a better photographer. He has NO idea how to make me look skinny or cute in pictures. There's one pic that he loves of me... he took it when I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant with Diva. I had just gotten out of the shower, so my unruly/curly hair was soaking wet and hanging limp down my back. I had on no makeup, and I was wearing a tank top that is too short (to cover up a baby belly at least). He made me sit in a chair and i was turned awkwardly towards the camera and made one of those "hurry up and take it" smiles... I hate that picture. He loves it. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. I don't look pregnant, i look fat. I look like i just got out of the shower, because I did... and i'm not looking happy at all. Sooo long story short, I trust him not one freaking bit to take candid, not entirely fake, and not entirely real, pretty pics of me and the girls doing things we barely ever do together (tea party anyone?).

The Faceless mom