The lady with the yellow hair who says bad things

The other day I was randomly reading blogs I've never read before. I had magically found one that sounded right up my alley!
 mommablogsalot Here is her bio: My name is Jen and I am the stay at home mother of an amazingly clever seven year old boy dubbed “MM” who never ceases to amaze me with his intelligence, kindness and charm and an adorable little dictator three year old daughter “BB” who can go from sugar and spice to temper tantrum central in less than ten seconds – she’s addicted to all things princess and would eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every meal if I let her.

She had done a question and answer with her kids and I thought it was just brilliant, so I asked her if I could steal use her questions, and blog about it. :).. She said yes 

Diva age 4 
Nana age 2
My thoughts are in blue

1. What do I do for fun?
 Nana: She just started pointing to random crap. Like the table.. her arm... Even when I asked the next day, started pointing to her food....
Diva: I don't know.. Nothing. you're not fun (ouch)

2. What’s my favorite TV show?
Nana: Pointed to the news and also said "kid shows"
Diva: That show with the girl with yellow hair who says bad things (I laughed so hard at that one, and had no idea what show she was talking about, until later that night, when i sat down to watch Chelsea Lately... HAHAHAHA)

3. What do I drink?
Nana: TEA (She yelled it out. I do drink tea... sometimes. when i'm sick)
Diva:Water (finally, an answer that makes sense. She only sees me drink water or coffee any given day, although i'm equally  surprised and relieved she didn't say wine)

4.What do I eat?
Nana: Pancakes (I do love a good pancake. Haven't made them in a while. Do you think she was projecting....)
Diva: Tuna Casserole (HAHAHA IT IS MY FAVOURITE!! WE HAVE A WINNER!)

5.What do I like to read? 
Nana: She MIMED a person reading. Um, I don't think she understands that i'm asking her questions, not telling her to FIND stuff...
Diva: People books? (Diva has gone through this "phase" of calling kids, kids and adults, people. She doesn't seem to get that kids are people too... lol)

6.What do I wear?
Nana: Dresses (nope... I'm not at all a dress person... I try...)
Diva: A dress um .. a shirt. (that's all I wear? and why do my kids think I wear dresses???? and where are my pants?)

7.What do I do with my friends?
Nana: "Plays with her" is her exact answer. How does a grown woman play with her friends? lol 
Diva: Talk and don't play. (she's so miserable eh? but yes, we do mostly talk, and mostly don't play.)

8. What is my favorite song?
Nana: Someone like you  (to be fair, it's the only song she knows, and she requests it every 5 minutes, so of course that was her guess. I do love Adele) (but nope)
Diva: Beat it.. um Michael Jackson. (Um again, THOSE ARE THEIR FAVOURITE SONGS!) 

9.What do I do when you’re napping?
Nana: Sleep. (As much as i'd love to say that I nap when she naps.... My house is just to dirty to relax during the day)
Diva: Go to bed, and don't talk. (I'm not sure if she's telling ME to go to bed and don't talk, or if she's saying That's what I do, or if she's repeating what I tell them night after night...)

10.What do I do when you’re in bed at night?
Nana: On the floor. (that was her answer. What does that mean Nana? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?)
Diva: Tuck me in... I don't know. (That's right.. and you don't want to know.. HAHA)

In conclusion, Nana is silly, and still has yet to figure out... basically anything. And Diva, really lives up to her name :)

Come Hell or High water!

OK so I couldn't wait till tomorrow to post... SO TWO FOR ONE DAY! Can I get a YA HOO?!  (ok... nevermind)
Earlier I had mentioned the Calgary Stampede. If you are unfamiliar with the annual event, it's when the whole city rips off their suits and ties, and throws on plaid shirts and cowboy boots and has a 10 day party. And although, I've never actually dressed up appropriately, all of my friends have (I just haven't been able to afford to every year.I might this year...)

The Stampede park, or "The Grounds" as we Calgarians call it, was completely under water this weekend. SO much so, that only the Mayor thought we'd be ready on time this year.

Photo: Facebook/Vecas Griffiths Jr.

photo: Gavin Young/Calgary Herald

Another great place to see pics, is here http://o.canada.com/2013/06/22/calgary-floods-before-and-after-photos/ it really shows how badly damaged everything is.

SO onto the good part! When i'd first heard the Mayor say that we will go on with the Stampede this year, I was skeptical. OK, so i rolled my eyes and thought "yeah fricking right". BUT after seeing how determined we are as a city and how many people have decided to make this their mission, i'm a believer. How could I not? This is the heart of our city. And although it looks impossible now, it will be well worth the effort. Yes there are so many people right now, with no home to go back to. But i'm sure it would lift their spirits even just a little, to be able to watch the parade, and eat pancakes and eat some deep fried shit. :) If only to help them forget for a few hours. 

The new (unofficial) motto for this years Stampede is "Come Hell or high water". There's even someone selling shirts with the slogan (proceeds going to flood victims). I'm definitely going to get one!!! 

And the sky opened up and the water rose

This past weekend has been... something. Our city flooded. Not just a little, a lot. They had to evacuate people from their homes beginning Thursday afternoon (June 20) and on-going until ... well there are still some families not able to return to their homes. In total they had to evacuate 75,000 people. It broke my heart.
AT FIRST

Calgary is big city, with a small town atmosphere. People have been helping out left right and center. Restaurants have been giving away meals, feeding first respondents. People offering a place to stay for the evacuees (via twitter and Kijiji) and taking in pets for some who can't take them to where they will stay for a while. People making meals from their own kitchens, and bringing them down to emergency evacuation centers. News reporters, working around the clock to keep the city up to date on information about the flood, and road closures and evacuations.

My favourite part about this so far has to be how amazing our Mayor has been. He's been working almost non-stop all weekend. Especially from Thursday until Saturday. He went for 2 days with no sleep! There was even a hastag #Nap4Nenshi. Made me feel so proud to have him as a leader and felt like I was part of a great community when even I joined in and tweeted him to take his nap.Here is Mayor Nenshi's last tweet before his nap:

Naheed Nenshi        ✔ @nenshi12:10 AM - 22 Jun 2013

And with that, a day that started 43 hours ago comes to a close. It included 1 plane, 2 helicopters and 3:45 am and 8:30 pm press briefings

Now comes the clean up. Our amazing city is in full clean up mode. This morning the city had sent out a request for 600 or so volunteers to come to the football stadium at 10 am... I've seen reports that over 2500 people showed up! How amazing is that??? (a few said 6000 but i'm not sure. I wasn't able to go down there to count) 

It's so hard to even believe that this has happened here. I live on a hill, at the edge of the city, and am nowhere near the water. So it's hard to look around my dry, clean neighborhood, and know that just a 15 minute drive south, i'd be faced with the smell of fish and mould, and see mud and water everywhere. I'm sure that if I was directly affected by all of this, my post today might not be as upbeat (if I've even written at all). 

The only remaining question for now is, how the HELL are they going to get the Calgary Stampede going in 11 days!!! (More on that tomorrow)
Here are some pics that my cousin took while wandering the city this weekend:

I'M TIRED

Yesterday, I had mentioned that I get tired really easily. (direct quote: I get tired REALLY easily) 

I'm not sure I've ever mentioned why. I have been tired all the time, ever since having my 4 year old. At first, I just figured, it's normal. Everyone is tired when they have kids. BUT not everyone is falling asleep while driving on the highway...

I went to my Dr. about it. And he sent me for a sleep test. The sleep test was awful. I had to have an oxygen thingy under my nose (and wrapped around my ears), finger pulse thingy taped to my ... finger, Heart rate monitor, taped to my heart, and a flat microphone taped to my neck. I kept feeling like i'm being choked. So anyway, this test came back, that I don't have sleep apnea. But that's it.

Then I was sent in for an overnight sleep study. THOSE SUCK MY FRIENDS!!  I had wires all over my body. My head, legs, face... BLEH. And in the end of having to sleep over at the hospital, then take 5 forced naps during the day (which WOULD have been a dream com true, if they were timed at 20 minutes long, and they came in and turned on the lights and make me get up). Turns out I fell asleep within 5 minutes of each of my naps.

In the end, I was diagnosed with Hypersomnia., which really just means "Excessive Sleepiness". There's really nothing I can do about it either. They gave me a prescription for something to keep me awake. Aaaaand it gave me MORE panic attacks than what I gave myself on a normal basis.

So now I have to figure this out. I can only drink so much coffee. And that prescription i got, will only make my life worse in different ways. I could start exercising again. I hope that helps! Tonight I start. :)
OOoh i have an idea! i'll try new things and report back here. So i'll workout everyday (at home. in my living room) and report back next wed on how sleepy I am (or not)

I'll update when i'm home, with a pic of me all covered in wires.
:)

I need more time

"Why don't you have time to play with us mommy?"

That's the last thing my 4 year old said to me this morning as I dropped her off before going to work. It broke my heart a little bit (ok, a lot).

How do I tell her, that i'm working hard everyday, to keep money flowing in our home? How do I tell her, that once we get home at the end of the day, I only have 2 hours to get dinner made, them fed (slowest eaters ever!), cleaned up (a whole bath, if we're lucky), pj's, prayers and bed. And If I go over that allotted time, they are cranky and mean and spit at me because they are over-tired. And it boils over to the next day. If they don't get to bed early enough, and since they are up at 6 am, they get VERY mean and spitty again. REALLY, if I compare myself to other moms, my kids are going to bed 30 mins-60 mins too late. Oh who am I kidding... OK I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH, we get home at 6 pm, get all that crap done... then by the time I close their door it's usually 9. And they don't normally fall asleep for another hour.

So then our nights are crap. And I get cranky (i.e. mean) and the kids gets whinny and mean. And I don't have time to play. And it hurts. And those awful mornings, where the kids are tired and i'm yelling, and everything sucks, That's everyday.

 On the weekends it's better. But you never really catch up on sleep though do you? Isn't that what science says? There's no such thing as catching up on sleep on the weekend. Also, they behave like crap all week, so why stop just because it's Saturday? They also are terrified of bugs right now. When I say terrified... I mean they think every mosquito is going to KILL THEM. Take last night for example, leaving my mothers house took 10 minutes. They stood and screamed in the doorway for a while, as I put their things in the car (because a mosquito flew by). Then they screamed the whole way to the car and wouldn't get in, until I closed the windows (even though it was HOT). I feel bad, because I remember being scared of bugs too. But I have no time or patience for this right now.

So on the weekend, i'll suggest going to the park, and they both get bug eyed and shake their heads no. There might be a bug in the park. The longer I stay at home, the more I see how badly we need to clean. So i get to cleaning, and purging and organizing. While my indoor-cat-kids watch movies. And once in a while, we'll color together, but they get sick of it quickly, and start fighting over crayons. Then mommy needs to rest from all the cleaning and refereeing. The only GOOD quality time I've noticed we have, is when we snuggle in bed. I get tired REALLY easily, so I go lay down and watch TV for a bit, and they come and feed me pretend food and tickle me. Those times are great. I just wish there was more of them. More time to play on the floor. More time to get dinner made early. More time for running outside, saving them from killer mosquitoes. More time for calming evening rituals and bath time, and man I hate to say, that I can't remember the last time I read a bedtime story.

These girls are getting bigger. They won't want me to play with them forever. Soon they'll be on the phone all night, and going to the mall, and drinking coffee (well if they are anything like I was at 15... lol) (my Jr. High school was in a trendy neighborhood when coffee shops were becoming all the rage, thanks to Central Perk). I need to slow down that giant clock in the sky. I need more time.
Fuck

let me tell you a story

Good morning! (or if it's not morning, Allo!)
I'ma tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a girl. (well not really a girl any more, she's 30, so ... a woman) who had a family .She loved her family so much, she prayed for their well-being way more than for her own. She woke up every day at 5 am, in order to get them ready for their day, and got home at 6 pm and cooked and cleaned every single night.

This woman was so ready for marriage, that she left ring store booklets and websites open every single day. She even got visibly upset when someone called her wifey. (because she ISN'T one) (woah... calm down there Hulk) She had decided, to show him, that she's ready. So, tomorrow night i'm going to make Engagement chicken. (ahem, i mean the girl in the story.. woman...)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_Chicken


Maybe once upon a time.. she'll tell you all how it went. :P

Man of the house

I was reading a funny post by mommyshorts.com just now about fathers day gifts. She's awesome FYI! I've been following her since her now 4 year old was a wee thing :) our kids are almost the exact same age, and exact level of cuteness :)

So she made light over the gift "options" for Fathers day that are being advertised. I hate fathers day just as much as mother day, for basically the same (if not completely reversed) reasons. On mothers day, I am not happy, because I end up doing most of the work anyway, and since my kids are too young to appreciate my hard work and tears (lots of tears), it's up to my man to pick up the mothers day enthusiasm...

FATHERS DAY, is a day when I do all the work WITH LOTS of enthusiasm then get grumpy at the end of the day, because he doesn't have the same enthusiasm as me. (note to self, look up the word enthusiasm in the thesaurus.... oooh conviction, vim, spirit!) I dress the girls up all cute, do their hair, have them help me serve him breakfast in bed, and then we leave him alone for a while.

ANYHOO, the whole gift part of it is just ridiculous. Because if you look online for a gift idea, you don't have much to chose from (See mommyshorts.com). I see ads that say "for that golfer in your life" or "he could always use a new tie/grill set/flask/beer-cozie/fishing... thingy" and that's just not fair. Fox is not the stereotypical guy you see on tv. He hasn't even OPENED our BBQ for going on 2 years now. (and no, not me either, i'm scared of using that thing), he's not an outdoorsy person, he doesn't work in an office, or wear a tie (except to funerals), he doesn't like dogs, he only owns like 2 tools (which I bought him because i was sick of him hammering nails with a shoe). The only thing he does that is easy to predict, is watch sports. Basketball mostly (Hockey too). And there's only so many basketballs I can allow to remain in our apartment. (also, no he doesn't skate, or swim for that matter).

So what to do? Well, lucky for me, my mother and Sister are home all day, being all creative-house-wifey-like, and they've already come up with an awesome idea for the dads in our lives. They took pics of our kids wearing large dad shirts and ties and are framing them. So cute to see my little girls looking like little tiny men :) I'll post those pics on Monday next week.

If it were up to me to be creative with a gift Idea, I would have just gotten him a grill set, with a note attached that says "BE A MAN! JUST USE THE BBQ ALREADY!"

Carifest

Tomorrow is Calgary's annual Carifest parade and sunshine festival. This is a celebration of Calgary (surprisingly large) Caribbean community. We go every year. And no, i'm not Caribbean. lol. When we were kids, our dad would take us, and we would dance and eat yummy food. My dad took us to lots of festivals, probably, mostly (only) for the food. YUMMO!

My daughters are of Jamaican descent (on their daddy's side. he was born there), so I want to bring them to the festivities every year just like my dad did when we were kids. The only thing i'm worried about, when I expose them to their culture, is that they will pick up on the patois and start to talk to me with an accent. It's really a thing of concern for me! (ha i'm kidding. If they learn, i'll learn right up there with them!)

So wish me luck ya'll! my beautiful punk kids are growing up, and learning to kiss their teeth already.

Monday, I might even post pics of my girls at the parade (if they are not crying in every single picture...)

The new normal

When I started this blog, I knew it wouldn't always be funny and lighthearted. I have some ... stuff that I knew eventually i'd need to vent about. Because this is my outlet. So here is one (major) thing that's going on right now...

So i'm not in a good mood today. Things are going wrong, on a few different levels and I just can't focus. See the thing is, I suffer from anxiety. It feels like everyone and their uncle are coming out saying they have depression or anxiety or something. And you know what? I believe it! This world we live in is terrifying! I am not going to list all the crap things. Because really, my problems are not REAL problems. Definitely/ mostly in my head type problems. (Like I wish I could SUE Brad Pitt and everyone involved in that new horrifying movie about zombies. GAH i can't take one more zombie nightmare you guys!!!)

Have you ever had a panic attack? My whole body feels like it's folding into itself and I can't breath. I start shaking, and hyperventilating and my heart pounds like it's going to explode. And the thoughts! My mind RACES and I can't stop it. I tell myself, it's not real, the negative thoughts are not real. But then, as if a montage of bad things in a movie is playing in my head, I'm just on for the ride.
I can remember my first panic attack, and thinking of it, 6 years later, I still feel the panic. I had blacked out that time. I was at a restaurant up in a very high tower (Calgary Tower) and i'm afraid of heights. So my new boyfriend (currently not new anymore... Fox lol) didn't see the problem with trapping me on the glass floor. It started out like "ha ha ha.. ok.. stop. let me go" then quickly turned into a panicked scream (kids were laughing at me) and pushing him and running FOR MY LIFE towards the elevator, then it went black. He said I was bawling the whole elevator ride down, and kept swearing at him (in front of other people) and grabbing my chest and crying. I only remember getting to his house and falling asleep (panic attacks take a lot out of you). All this, was on my birthday.

Once, I had a panic attack at work (which started for no reason. I just needed to go outside) and I had to leave and take myself to my dr. I screamed my face off, the whole drive there. People probably thought I was NUTS. (well... lol) and they rushed me in when they saw me and talked to me like they were talking to a lost toddler.

I'm doing ok right now. Like, i'm better than I was yesterday (not mentioned above). Yesterday, I was glad to have Fox there. I just felt my body tense up and the shaking had started. And I told him to give me a hug quickly (before the nervous shakes turn into TOUCH ME AND DIE). And it helped so much. So I just want to send that thank you out there.. into public. lol He's such a great guy. He didn't ask what was wrong. He knew. I had a bad day. And was no longer able to control my reactions. Even my co-workers could tell I had been "off" for the last two days. Hopefully today I stay as calm as I am right now.

I need to take up yoga or something.
or wine. :P

soo touchy!

This is a rant. (lol)

So I am kind of rude. I don't mean to be rude, but I say things that kind of tick people off .. .sometimes :)

I think the problem is not that I say things that are bad, but that everyone has gotten so damn sensitive these days!
I was doing the dishes yesterday, lost in thought. And I started thinking about those trolls online who just comment and like to ruin everyone's day for no reason. Do you know why they do it? Probably because it's so freaking easy!!

I admit, I've been guilty of being overly sensitive, BUT the internet made me do it!!!

ok, here's what i'm talking about.(so that i doesn't sound like i'm talking in circles...) When I was pregnant with Diva (5 years ago), I was reading about everything pregnancy. All the foods to eat, different ways to deliver, how to swaddle... everything. then I discovered all of the things that are supposed to offend me. Like those lists "what not to say to a pregnant woman", "what not to say to a woman (at all)" ...  like ok, i get it, don't ask a woman if she's pregnant  unless you know for SURE, because it might just be poop. (trust me on this people... ) BUT then i read, "don't ever ask a pregnant woman if it's twins, maybe she's just bloated, or maybe she's sensitive about how large or small she is". Ok.... well in that case how about don't talk to a pregnant woman at all.. you never know if she is offended by your question "when are you due?" (maybe she's had an affair! and her due date would give it away!) or "do you know what you're having?" (DON'T LABEL THE BABIES! what if she decides to give it a non gender name so that IT can pick out IT'S gender later on....?) I remember people saying "don't touch my belly! it's my body!" Personally, I loved it when people rubbed my belly! ha It was like a gentle massage. the only time i hated it, was when i was in actual labour. The one thing, that made me cringe when I was pregnant, was this lady in my office, who I did not know, ask "may i?" and i assumed she meant she wanted to touch the belly. I was happy to let her rub the Buddha .. BUT she (instead of giving me a nice massage), spoke VERY loudly in baby talk to my tummy.. WHAT THE HECK!!! I was so creeped out, I just laughed and ran away! 


So I bought into the "how dare she ask me that?" crap. And i realized later on, that it was stupid. And I loved answering silly questions, and I loved hearing everyone "predict" how big, if it was a girl, or when i'd "pop". It was all part of the fun! 
So my advice for you preggos out there, RELAX!! Go grab your new huge boobs and enjoy! (it will be the last time you loved those things for a long time. At least until after breastfeeding, however long  you CHOOSE to do it, if you do at all, I DON'T CARE!)
End (slightly chipper) rant